Last week saw the end to a process that started for me way back in 2003, when I got wind of an opportunity at the humble Centre for Internet Computing at the Scarborough Campus of the University of Hull.

I have just graduated as a Doctor of Philosophy at University College Dublin, Dublin from the school of Computer science.

Between September 2003 and September 2013 a lot of things have changed for me, I have had a lots of interesting experiences and met an awful lot of interesting people.

It’s amazing how much life changes when you open your mind to other points of view and take the jump from stable hum-drum monotony to academic study and then research.

It took me a long time to realise that my life in 2003 was not going anywhere, at the time I didn’t want to be working in a call centre, but hadn’t seen enough of the world to know what was out there for me. I was in a bubble of miserable existence. With no real prospects of making a successful life, and a closed, ignorant mind – with a poorly maintained set of opinions.

I had never considered university as a real option for me, since I did quite poorly at GCSE level, and none of my family had ever been in higher education. This meant I had no real concept of what going to university could mean for me. But one day Angus Marshall, then a lecturer at Universty if Hull happened to mention during a conversation with my Dad (long story) – that there were places on a course they were running,
He mentioned it to me, and that was the start of it. That was my way out this soul destroying life of constant monotony. A week later I quit my job, and moved to Scarborough. It was the best thing I could have done for myself, and well really, nepotism was at the start of my path to enlightenment.

I always envied people who had been to university because it felt a bit like a rite of passage or a shared experience, and perhaps that’s what made we work so hard to do well. That and I was keen to be there, since as a mature student, this opportunity may not come again, and plus – it was fun! In the three years at Scarborough I started to learn how to think. Which I later read about in a book by the same name.

Fresh from graduation, and brimming with high hopes, great ideas and confidence, I plunged back into the rat race, sure that my life was about to begin in earnest with all of this new knowledge I had gained. I started working in London for a risk management company, as a computer forensics consultant, giving it all my recently graduated energy. It turned out that despite enjoying the real work when it came along, I despised the self aggrandising ‘consultant’ world in which I was operating. It all felt a bit like bullshit.

I was fed up, but had a get out clause. Back at graduation, I was offered the opportunity to apply for a PhD position at University College Dublin under Professor Paddy Nixon. I turned it down at the time, as I was ‘interested in finally earning some money’.

I had spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted from life – I couldn’t work it out but I knew I wasn’t happy. I had returned to the dross of the ‘real world’ but I was sure there was something other than this, but I had closed my mind again, so it was time to move on.

I called up Paddy, and he was happy to consider my application again, he even helped me write my research proposal – I had no clue what my research was going to be! – I barely knew what a PhD was, but I managed to be awarded a full IRCSET scholarship, meaning 3 years worth of funding (on a 4 year program).

I quite enjoyed writing up, it gave substance to what I had spent the last 4 years doing.

My path through the madness of post graduate research was not exactly clear, or straight or easy. But i enjoyed every second of it. Despite having doubts along the way, as everyone on the PhD emotional roller coaster does, I was happy. I finally felt like I was doing something worthwhile. However, it had a clear end point, (despite it being pushed back a couple of times).
After Professor Pádraig Cunningham took me on when Paddy moved to Australia, in August 2012 I finally submitted my thesis. Thesis writing is definitely 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration, but actually, as my PhD was quite a potted path, I quite enjoyed writing up, it gave substance to what I had spent the last 4 years doing.

We quickly decided that we needed to have a holiday, and booked flights to Soiuth East Asia. But to before I earned some money managing the RecSys2012 conference and spent a week building the Docfixers a website for a friend. I couldn’t believe the emotions I was feeling about being stuck doing monotonous work when all I wanted to do was relax and take stock of last few years, spend time with friends and finish projects I started along the way. but, as is always the way, I rushed off into busyness and had to earn smoke cash for the holiday.

After our long holiday, which I recommend anyone finishing a PhD to take, I had my viva. On my birthday! This was quite a stressful part of the process, but I was confident that I knew my thesis inside out. There were a few tough questions, not least questioning the validity of even the title of the thesis, but I passed with minor corrections.

During our holiday, I fretted over what to do next, and event had an interview via skype for the perfect post-doc position for me at UCD, sadly I gave too much away about my uncertainty about staying in Ireland, and wasn’t offered the job.

We decided to move back to the UK after viva, and as it turned out, we moved back the next day. I felt a lot of resentment about that, as I wanted to revel in my achievements and spend more time in Ireland, but needs must, and we packed the van up, and moved back to England two days later.

I had corrections to do, so spent a long time prevaricating and putting it off. In the mean time, I was under pressure to find a job. But coming from the warm cosy environment of UCD and Dublin, nowhere near Hastings could offer me a post-doc position, and my efforts at getting a lecturers position at Brighton university had failed due to a post-phd lack of enthusiasm for any particular research topic (I have some great ideas now, but that’ll have to wait).

Two friend from Dublin were working as software developers at a company in Hammersmith, and put forward my CV, and I was offered the job.

It was a very hard decision to take it, as I had really hoped for a career in academia, or at least in an academic environment – that was what I had spent the last 5 years preparing for. But the pressure was on, and I had to do something. So after wringing out the last of of my corrections, I started at Geneity Ltd. as a software developer.

I’m still not sure it was the correct thing to do. I enjoy the job enough, and I’m glad to be working with bunch of really nice guys. I have certainly learned a lot, but I can’t help but think there must be something else. Some more worthwhile calling that at least gives me a sense of achievement, or something that I can contribute to society.

Sadly, I’m now back in the rat race. I feel my mind closing again, and the threads of opportunity disappearing into past. I haven’t read an academic paper since I started my job.

I find myself at the cusp of the next big adventure in my life, the addition of a new family member! And I find myself thinking, have I missed my last chance?

Publish or die they say. Let’s see.